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what is with livejournal

So I am hanging onto this place because I love it and have many nostalgic memories here but I am really kinda sad that this place is not nearly as active as it used to be. Why can't people like livejournal as much as facebook. It is way better! My friends page only has two or three new entries since yesterday so it took me a whole ten seconds to read the new stuff. I am thinking I need some more friends and some new communities that might help me to actually have something to read on here.

This is an end of the complaining about live journal system. Thank you for your attention.

Ohhh I have to tell somebody

Hi guys...

I can't wait, I just have to tell somebody. My boyfriend and I chose a ring this weekend, and I'm pre-engaged!!!! I know that's not a term but there is the impending coming of a proposal and all that.

I know it's not traditional for the woman to choose her own ring, but it seems more and more common for couples to choose the ring together. When we went to jewelery stores, we saw many couples there together looking at rings, and I didn't notice one man there on his own. For me, it was a necessity. I have fairly large hands and had to make sure the ring will look good on my hand, and while that sounds superficial, even to me, if I'm going to wear a ring for the rest of my life, I want it to look nice on my hand. Also, having been engaged before, I wanted a very different ring than I had with my first fiance (solitaire with sapphires in four corners) that was worth way too much money. I was always paranoid about losing the stupid thing, as it was worth over eight grand. This ring is worth considerably less, and is very nice.

That first engagement was a huge surprise, back then, I wasn't planning on getting married anytime soon. I was twenty at the time and wasn't willing to get married before 24, although 27 was my ideal. I look back at my ideal, at almost thirty and laugh. When that engagement happened, I had the embarrassing experience of having my ring not fit. Every time we would tell people we were engaged, I would have to show them the ring hanging around my neck. I felt really bad about that and wasn't ready to have that happen again. My boyfriend and I had been talking about engagement, since we've been together for awhile, and I explained to him why it was very important for me to be very involved in the ring purchase. He has full reign to do whatever he wants to for the proposal (which he still wants to do), but I couldn't let him choose the ring by himself, because of all of the associated baggage with having been engaged before, the ring not fitting and cost. I don't want to remember that engagement because it didn't feel real to me. I felt like a child playing house. Now I feel like a person ready to make a decision that could very well be forever.

I have been seeing a lot of ads for this new television show "My teenage wedding" and have watched a few episodes of "My big fat gypsy wedding" and am shocked that those girls are getting married at such a young age. I haven't watch the teenage wedding show, but English travelers and Romani Gypsys regularly get married before they turn eighteen. I look back at former partners that I had in my youth and I laugh. I had no idea what I was looking for! I didn't really know what I was looking for until I chose a couple of suitors that ended up being a bad match. It was only then that I knew what was really important to me. How can an eighteen year old know what they want in a partner for the rest of their life? I mean I could be wrong, I could still have no idea what is good for me. I do, however, feel like I have a much better idea of what I need and know myself quite a bit better than I did at eighteen. I feel like I would have ended up very unhappy if I had gone ahead with marrying my former fiance, or if I had stayed in my other quite serious relationship. I was looking for someone who was nice to me and I wanted to be involved with back then, but now while I still look for someone with whom I have chemistry, I'm also looking for someone who I get along with, who will be a good father and who I want to grow old with. I'm looking for a husband, not just a boyfriend, if that makes sense.

After the whole process of choosing a ring was over, I asked my boyfriend about what kind of ring he would have chosen for me, had I not been there, and he said probably a solitaire instead of a three stone (which after doing some research, I figured out was the style of ring for me). We figured out what we were comfortable with him spending together, basically I when he said something about only being able to afford what he considered a small amount right now because he has had a significant reduction in his hours, I laughed and told him I wouldn't want him to spend a lot on a ring and that I would be uncomfortable with him even spending that much. This notion that someone have three months salary on their finger is ridiculous! My boyfriend, when working full time would have been buying me an eight thousand ish dollar ring (and he doesn't even make very much money). I would not be comfortable with that in the slightest! Imagine if I was dating a man who was making in excess of a hundred grand a year? 30K on my finger, no thank you! I think had he gone on his own, he would have spent more money than he or I wanted him to. It just blows my mind what is considered 'socially acceptable', because it is not personally acceptable for me, and no one, in a million years would think that my boyfriend cheaped out on my ring. It is very nice. I love it :).

Now, I have nothing to do but await a proposal. I am so excited!!!!

I've come to a decision

Hi guys,
Long time no type, of course.... what else is new?

So I'm currently in teacher's college doing a french immersion placement. I'm specializing in french immmersion (so I'm taking extra courses). I started on Wednesday, yes halloween! (what was my university thinking). The biggest problem I've been having is that I find myself with difficulty expressing myself in the french language. I may be bilingual but I am anglophone. This means there are sometimes issues when it comes to the way I express myself. This is common for students in an immersion program.

Anyway, I remembered the last time I was on ADHD meds I had issues with expressing myself in my second language in a fluent manner. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I can do something about this. I have decided to stop taking my medication (I'm on a non stimulant one ATM) at least for the time being. I'm having so many side effects and I'm just sick of this. I've also decided to start looking up more natural non-drug ways of handling this. I thought medication was the way to go, but I find myself with a lot of problems I didn't originally have. I started thinking that medication was the way to fix my problem, but I'm more skeptical now, I'm not going to die if I stop taking it, so I am, and that's done.

NDP convention rant

I'm glad to see that the NDP convention is happening this weekend, I feel like the party left Trumel as the interim leader for too long. I was shocked and sad when Jack died too, especially since I'm convinced he had the traction to become PM, but we were only lucky that Trumel didn't fuck anything up.

Just to catch up non Canadians: NDP is the left wing party in Canada, last year, they shocked the nation when they became the official opposition in our government as they usually have about 10-15% of the vote at the most, now they have like 25-30% of the popular vote. A lot of that was attibuted to the leader, Jack Layton, making inroads to the french population, which is one of the key parts of the country you have to convince if you want to be in power. Last summer, only a few months after the election Jack Layton died of cancer.

When that happened I wondered what was going to happen with all those inroads that Jack made for the party? I am skeptical that the NDP is going to remain relevant in Quebec. I guess it depends on the new leader, and his ability to speak to french voters. I also feel like it will depend on whether or not the Liberals and the Bloc clean up their act. If that happens, this will not last.

Now that, I have talked a lot about a political system most of you don't understand, I am going to go back to my main point. My friend, who is big time NDP supporter, is going to the convention. She has tweeted/posted on facebook over 20 times today alone about this convention and the train. I mean I think it's cool, but shut up already. You are totally spamming the crap out of my facebook feed. It's almost as bad as people who play those stupid games like mafia wars. You don't need to cross post your tweets to facebook. I swear I could strangle her right now. Oh yeah and no need to actually watch the coverage, I'm going to know who won before the rest of the world does.

ETA: I would also like to mention the fact that so many things are complaining about the convention and how stupid the other candidates are. I wish she would keep it positive. We're all on the same team here! She seems to be reporting for some kind of NDP twitter site thing, but I really wish she had taken off the crossposting to facebook feature so I didn't have to read all her snarky comments.

I may have to hide all of her posts... just because I might tear my hair out.

my university ramblings

I'm currently not worried enough about school. I'm not worried enough about the fact that I have basically two weeks left of school and two assignments/presentations/exams etc in each class left to do. That's ten things left to do! I basically have four weeks left of school, but the number of those things due between now and the end of classes is at least one of each. So that's five things left to do in the next week and a half.

Oh my God!

Okay kids, back to your regularly scheduled program. And I'm not so sure about that A- average now, but I"m well on my way to a A+ in one of my fourth year classes.

Maybe it's just cuz the prof thinks I'm awesome. I got back my second test today, and I got a 94 on it, if you remember the last one was 100 percent. I really thought that I screwed this one up, but no, apparently I was one of two people who got over 90 percent on the exam. I always seem to say the right thing, but at the same time, I'm wondering if the teacher is just giving me better marks because he likes me. I feel bad for the other students if that's the case, it doesn't seem fair. Would I, however, go to a prof and ask him to give me lower marks because I feel like he's being unfair, of course not! One of the girls in my class was complaining about her mark on the exam, on one question in particular. She felt that she should get perfect on that question, but seriously, she got 87% on that one question so I think she did quite well, and I'm assuming that she got at least an 85% on the exam, so I'm not sure what she's complaining about. I'm thorough, and usually the last person to leave a test or exam, but this teacher doesn't give 'bad marks', his lowest mark on this exam was likely a 75% and he was apologetic about this. Some people really don't realize when they've got it good.

I have a feeling that this has something, once again, to do with my ever present need for perfect papers, and always feeling like things are not good enough. The funny part is, I tend to do extremely well when the pressure is on, and less well on essays. I am always convinced it's because the exams are too easy, and that's the only reason I get good marks. I'm starting to feel like that is less the case. I mean you really have to say something fairly complete in order to get an A on an exam. I may just be saying the right things. Or maybe they mark people with disabilities easier, I'm not sure.

Anyway, it's funny to me, because I don't feel smarter, and I don't think it's a matter of being smarter. I feel like I just know how to answer the questions being posed in a more complete way. I've solved the riddle of a university education.

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

I'm still feeling uninspired, maybe because I had a muffin and I have to pee and I don't have any awesome music to help me get my finishing paper writing underway. I guess I just don't know where to start.

In my 'bag'

Well the only bag I carry on a semi regular basis is my purse, so here goes.
-book (whatever I'm reading)
-prescription sunglasses, in case, with cleaning rag
-4 or 5 pens
-prescription drugs
-headache and other OTC pills for minor ailments
-mp3 player, headphones (and sometimes charger)
-blackberry, in its case
-various cards and other forms of id
-small wallet with money and bank card
-2 lipsticks
-various receipts
-several pieces of looseleaf
-keys and buspass
-my travel mug, if I don't have my schoolbag

That's right, very boring.
Apparently, despite my lack of desire in writing my history paper, my proofer said it was it was quite good. Now all I have to do is come up with another page to page and a half, and clean up my quotations and add footnotes (which have all been marked a head of time) of course, instead of starting that now, which would make sense, I will procrastinate and write another journal day entry.

My biggest nick name is Amy. It's the name I go by on a day to day basis. It's not a name I used to particularly like, and was something that my bff in grade five actually came up with. (as a rebuttal I called her Bettini, which doesn't really make sense) When I was in my second year of highschool, I had a particularly rough year. I had always been teased to a certain extent but it got worse in middle school when my friends would openly make fun of me, and in highschool, because I started dating. I would have the typical two week 'realtionships' like everyone else, but then I happened to date the world's biggest loser, who laughed at his friend openly when he finally found out about our relationship. By that time we had been dating for two months, and hadn't really told anyone and so he broke up with me and then this first boy proceeded to make my life a living hell in any class we had together. Needless to say, by the end of grade ten, I had thoroughly killed any chance of having a quiet, non difficult life in highschool. I also hated my name by this point, because somehow they made the name Amanda the butt of every joke.

When I changed schools, I also had been using Amy a bit and had decided I quite liked it. As a result, I told the teachers I preferred Amy and went with that. It seemed to work fairly well, and was fairly accepted by those around me. Mainly because I really didn't try to force it, and I don't now either, since it's not my real name. I also just feel like it suits me better, which meant it was quickly adopted by most people I know. Most people think it's my real name.

Oh yeah and just for the record, for those of you who claim that Amy can't be a short form for Amanda, I have a rebuttal. Catherine that has a long Ah sound, like Amanda can shorten to Katy that has more of an Ay sound like Amy. See proved it! Amy can be a short for for Amanda.

I have a bunch of nick names that go along with my Amy nickname. Amo, Aimster, Aim, etc and I kind of dislike Ames because it strikes me as too cutesy. I try not to get too upset when people call me that however, since it is a shorter version of Amy. There's another girl on my hockey team also named Amy and I called her Amo once, and everyone thought it was weird. I didn't realize that only my friends came up with weird nicknames.

Oh yeah and when I was super into rent, my friend called me Mimi for awhile, but then she decided that it reminded her of that fat woman from Drew Carey, and she couldn't do it. It's really too bad she had such an unfortunate name.

Day 15

At this point I'm randomly picking days to talk about, because some of the questions on the thirty days schedule are things I don't really want to think about at the moment. I'm currently doing this as a way to procrastinate from working on my history paper, which is on expo 67. I know what I'm writing about, and have a really decent solid two pages written but that took like ten hours. As usual, I am totally not inspired by anything but the prospect of the last minute. I do have to hand this to my proofreader tomorrow, but even that doesn't worry me.

What the hell am I thinking.

Anyway, on to survey...

Day 15- Turn on ipod and hit shuffle. State first 15 songs that come up.Collapse )

Day 12

I'm skipping day 11 since I have blown my time line and don't really have any super good pictures with friends. What can I say, I don't really own a camera. I hate uploading pics to my computer. I hate uploading those two LJ and I hate getting errors when it doesn't work. Anyhoo,

Day 12 was another day that I had changed the question posed to: What do I do with my spare time?

This question can be approached in a multitude of ways. What do I do outside my job? Well I kind of see my job as one of my pastimes, since I am currently a student and therefore not spending a lot of hours at my job. Ie: my job passes the time I have left after the behemoth of school. In reality, school constitutes one of my interests, just one that I currently spend a lot of time pursuing, kind of like a job. I also have volunteering committments and other things via my church which also take up a lot of time. In other words, I do a lot of things to fill up my spare time, but what exactly is 'spare time' exactly, because I don't really have any! Some people would assume that spare time would refer to hobbies, and the like. I don't have a ton of hobbies at it happens. I do some kitting, and sewing, but the purse strap that I have been sewing/embroidering for the past while has not been really worked on since last summer.

If we are going to talk about pastimes being things that we make space for in our lives, things that we would not do without sufficient effort, I have a few.

The first is camping. I love getting away from the city and hanging out in the forest, doing nothing. I prefer to do that when there are not lots of flies, which is probably the only thing I dislike about camping. One of the primary reasons I like camping is due to the fact that it just allows me to spend a lot of time outside all at once. It's also a cheap way to go on vacation, and provides a bit of adventure for my summer months. I always look forward to my camping trips with my honey. We also recently started fishing, which I surprisingly really like, despite being bad at it. (I'm not super coordinated)

The second is reading. University life does not leave a lot of time in one's life to pursue the act of reading for pleasure. I have found that I really enjoy the act getting fully engrossed in a book, not because it's insightful, or because it will teach me something, but just because I CAN. Most of the time I tend to enjoy what I refer to as 'trashy girl novels' think the shop-a-holic series (even though I don't really like it, but I do like simliar, but less popular books in the same genre) or Twilight. These are books that academically and ideologically I should be against, but I really enjoy reading. I also really enjoy books that have a tragic outcome, but of course there is always a silver lining to these books. When I don't know the author, I sometimes pick a book merely based on the tag line on the cover, or on the picture on the cover. Horrible, yes I know, but I have found a lot of books I have liked this way, and it seems to serve me well. I also like biographies, although they have to have a very intimate connection to the subject themselves. I usually find out about people and then read their biography. It most likely has to do with the fact that I like realism. The story and the characters have to be believable.

Other than that, I don't really have a lot of time for pastimes. There is a lot of stuff I do, because I enjoy it, but that is more a reflection of the fact that I don't tend to do stuff I don't want to do. I just don't see the point. Speaking of things I don't want to do, excuse me while I get started on my history paper.

Day 10

Name songs that you listen to when you're Happy Sad Hyped and Mad.

It definitely seems as though I often get discouraged when I get to topics I think are stupid or I'm not sure how to approach a daily blog question. My last day was probably a week ago, and of course there was the long bit of time when I couldn't think of what I wanted to write for the 'post a pic of someone/thing that changed your life' once I did, it was a decent entry and they sometimes are. Today will not be one of those days.

I don't remember having a lot of teenage angst where a boy broke my heart, and when I did, I remember having hopeful fantasies where he might change his mind. Most of the time, I would listen to music, and create a story to go with the music (kinda like a music video in my head, which I still do to a certain extent now). The thing I don't remember doing is sitting with my misery and listening to music, as is often described in television programs and teen movie dramas.

As a result, I would have a very difficult time answering this question. If I don't remember listening to a specific song when I was feeling sad and mad, how am I supposed to tell you guys about it? As a result, I'd probably rather tell you about some of the songs that shaped my life. This is by no means an inclusive list, nor is it a list of my favorites. It's just whatever came to me in the moment.

Slide- by the Goo Goo Dolls
One Christmas, I got what was the Goo Goo Dolls most popular album ever, 'Dizzy up the Girl'. I tend to be a person who likes something way after the time in which it was popular. Several examples are the shows Dead Like Me, Babylon 5, and Arrested Development, I only came to them after they had been cancelled. I'm like the quintessential leader of the cult following, I'm always slightly behind the tends, and honestly that doesn't bother me. The Goo Goo Dolls was not one of those times, certainly, I was part of the second wave of GGD fans, but I loved them when "Slide" was popular. I remember listening to that song on repeat in my room, and probably drove my parents nuts. I still remember lying on my bed on a Saturday afternoon and just singing along. (I was kinda weird in high school) It was definitely one of my favorite songs for a long time, made me long for a different life than the one I had. Eventually, when I got older, I realized how silly that was, especially since about two years later, I did get the freedom to control my own destiny at a fairly young age. It's funny how things quickly become embarrassing and obsolete to us.

Changes Bowie (the whole album)
This also a late high school favorite. When I was 15 I had a 17 year old boyfriend, the only who's been in a band. One of the songs in their set was "Heroes" which made me inquisitive about the ChangesBowie album, as I my parents had it, and I could therefore listen to those songs. I believe I was still using a walkman at the time. I'll be honest, it's one of those albums that still finds a home on my MP3 player and that I still like. David Bowie is after all, a God.

The neighborhood songs esp-1 and 3 - The Arcade Fire
This is a rather new addition to my list of favorite songs, as they have only recently become popular, but I am proud to say that I was almost on the early side of liking this band. It was probably right on the cusp of when they went from being a Hipster band to being more mainstream. Long before 'Suburbs' back when they still sang a lot in french. (they may sing in French on Suburbs, but I'm not sure as I don't own the album) Anyway, the point is this group's songs tend to tell a story, which is why I like them so much. Neighborhood 1 is the first track on its album, and it has piano sounds like snow falling. To me it conjures up magic feelings of winter and darkness that made me fall in love with this band. Neighborhood 3 is a more fast paced song and probably a favorite among many Arcade Fire fans. It was originally my favorite song, and now is only slightly beaten out by Neighborhood 1 as my favorite. These songs are really relevant because they were with me through my break up with my last serious boyfriend, previewed a couple of entries ago as well as the turmoil that went along with my rebound from that relationship. It was the weirdest thing I've ever experienced. It almost purely platonic, although we did kiss a few times. He was a companion for me, comforting in a way. It was long distance, and was something to look forward to every month or two. I listened to the Arcade Fire on these voyages, espeically to and from his house about five hours away. It was kind of sad, because he was adorable and I would have love us to work as more than friends, but I knew we were highly incompatible.

Were the Streets have no Name- U2
This song is a masterpiece, and it was meant to be that way, as the opening track to a great album. I honestly can't believe I'm saying that about a U2 song, as I find them a little too produced and pop-y. I love all the layers that this song has, and the nostalgic adventurous feelings it conjures up in me for no reason at all. It doesn't hold a special place in my heart for a specific era, as I can't remember a time when I didn't like this song. It's just encompassing of my life as a whole.

Save Yourself and the Living Outside Album - Sensefield
These were pivotal in my early twenties. The first was my song with the first serious boyfriend I had. It's not about actually saving yourself for marriage or anything, but was fitting for me, as he was my first, and ironic for him, as he cheated on me, and emotionally cheated to be with me. The album was the last album Sensefield released before breaking up, and I remember singing along to some of these songs in the car, on my way to my nanny job. I was utterly miserable at the time, with no friends etc. At some point that I had become someone I wasn't to be in our relationship. It still took awhile until I realized it had to end.

These days I'm a pretty big Pink Floyd fan and I can't really connect that to any part or portion of my life now. I like them for their music. It seems as though I may have had more teenage angst than I thought, but it may have been misdirected as nostalgia or hopes and dreams.